find

I want you ,

to find

those pictures of me,

spread out like oil on water .

If not for you ,

it could have been a

perfect picture of innocence ,

unmarred

by ugly reds and blues.

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Meaningless Drivel

It’s a bizzare circus up here in this noggin . The children of this cerebral acroplis are frozen in time . They breathe in hot crimson clouds of panic , encased and cocconed in past misery tossing and turning all night ; shiny brittle shards of trauma in their chests , cutting their insides ,poking out beneath ribs ;filling up lungs at the brink of silicosis .

 The crystals of time shatter every morning like clockwork . Groggily , the children awaken and brush out the the prickly dust beneath their eyelids . On good days, washed out and fatigued the children trudge along with big bright smiles , keeping up appearances. Most days though, they collapse and curl up like centipedes . No amount of poking or prodding will awaken them . 

The cinema in this city is open all night.  Attendance is mandatory here ,after all sleep is for the sane and pure ; The dirty little cretins of this city deserve no such liberties. Tonight’s big show is : Age 5 featuring co-stars – SmallLimbs and Mr LargeHands .

 The plot revolves around a few kodak moments , SmallLimbs learns to ride a bike , SmallLimbs gets hugs and kisses from LargeHands , Smalllimbs on a large bed , LargeHands everywhere ………. and then there’s the climax (his climax ?)

There are several sequels to this story , 7 years worth of tape . Some stained with blood , others blurred and foggy due to dissociation . 

SmallLimbs wakes up every morning , wishing she didnt . 

The children wake up every morning , wishing they didnt .

I wake up every morning , wishing I didn’t.

diagnosis

“Post-Traumatic-Stress-disorder – ” , her eyes glance towards zig zag lines forming inflammed matrices on my wrists , ” – and severe depression ” she sighs .”What do I do with you kiddo?”

“Dunno man – ,” I shrug and continue twirling around in the comfy office chair ” -you’re the dude with a M.D and the fancy white coat, not me . ” 

She laughs and leans forward to mess up my hair .

” Do you want to get admitted ?”

Twirling stops .

“Even you think I’m crazy ?”, I whine dejectedly .

“No, not crazy , just a very hurt child “,she sighs.

“Not a child “, I huff in mock anger. 

Though despite that declaration of adulthood I couldn’t resist asking ” I will be allowed to bring my video games there- ”

” –and your school books too, ” she says in a teasing tone .

“Party pooper .”

​-Instruction Manual on how to pass standardised tests-

  • Step 1 : Clean your desk and arrange all your novels alphabetically.
  • Step 2 : Open your clothes cabinet and gaze upon the horror that lies within. Rub your hands gleefully because this shit is gonna take hours .
  • Step 3 : Find some old forgotten photographs or birthday cards and reminisce about the past, remember the time when you were a good kid who never procasinated cause strict Asian parents
  • Step 4 : Make some instant ramen
  • Step 5 : Spill the ramen
  • Step 6 : Clean the mess before your puppy manages to eat it ( can dogs eat ramen , I dunno ?)
  • Step 7 : Take a ” power nap ” for “10 minutes “.
  • Step 8 : Now , it’s 2 hours before the exam and you have 638292992 topics left , let the regret seep into you , feel the panic in your throat as you flip through your notes aggressively while slowly losing hair like someone on chemo .
  • Step 9 : Summon satan and hope the apocalypse delays your test.
  • Step 10 : Thank your memory for retaining some information from your classes cause otherwise you’d be fucked .