​-Instruction Manual on how to pass standardised tests-

  • Step 1 : Clean your desk and arrange all your novels alphabetically.
  • Step 2 : Open your clothes cabinet and gaze upon the horror that lies within. Rub your hands gleefully because this shit is gonna take hours .
  • Step 3 : Find some old forgotten photographs or birthday cards and reminisce about the past, remember the time when you were a good kid who never procasinated cause strict Asian parents
  • Step 4 : Make some instant ramen
  • Step 5 : Spill the ramen
  • Step 6 : Clean the mess before your puppy manages to eat it ( can dogs eat ramen , I dunno ?)
  • Step 7 : Take a ” power nap ” for “10 minutes “.
  • Step 8 : Now , it’s 2 hours before the exam and you have 638292992 topics left , let the regret seep into you , feel the panic in your throat as you flip through your notes aggressively while slowly losing hair like someone on chemo .
  • Step 9 : Summon satan and hope the apocalypse delays your test.
  • Step 10 : Thank your memory for retaining some information from your classes cause otherwise you’d be fucked .

Yaoi

When I visited Malaysia for a debate competition in 2015, I had the opportunity to shop in a huge anime merchandise shop .100s of comic books, posters and figurines and no parental supervision critiquing my allowance spending habits. Amidst all the shouhen and hentai ,my eyes landed on some old newspapers. Free newspapers FILLED with yaoi. Images of pretty boys in pastel coloured kimonos ,making suggestive postures beckoned me. My teenage brain was absolutely delighted. I quietly snuck in two copies for my BFF and I,*cough cough * for later viewing pleasures.

After coming back to India,I promptly lost the above pornographic material.

One fine afternoon, my mother and I were cleaning the junk stored in my cupboards.

After dumping out all the contents of the bottom-most drawer. I noticed my pretty boy porn stuffed in between my books. The porn was right under my mother’s nose.By this point I was sweating BULLETS.  I swiftly salvaged the newspaper and tucked it under my leg. Then, discretely hid it in another drawer. When mom enquired about my suspicious activities, I smiled and said that it was a “school newsletter ” and I was keeping it because I was “sentimental “.