I want you ,

to find

those pictures of me,

spread out like oil on water .

If not for you ,

it could have been a

perfect picture of innocence ,


by ugly reds and blues.



A warm body , fingers brushing back hair , arms wrapped around someone tiny, face buried in the crook of his neck . 

Safe .

Safe ?

Large hands holding down a small frame , face buried in a pillow , stop , please stop, sticky white fluid, blood…… it hurts

Scared .


“Post-Traumatic-Stress-disorder – ” , her eyes glance towards zig zag lines forming inflammed matrices on my wrists , ” – and severe depression ” she sighs .”What do I do with you kiddo?”

“Dunno man – ,” I shrug and continue twirling around in the comfy office chair ” -you’re the dude with a M.D and the fancy white coat, not me . ” 

She laughs and leans forward to mess up my hair .

” Do you want to get admitted ?”

Twirling stops .

“Even you think I’m crazy ?”, I whine dejectedly .

“No, not crazy , just a very hurt child “,she sighs.

“Not a child “, I huff in mock anger. 

Though despite that declaration of adulthood I couldn’t resist asking ” I will be allowed to bring my video games there- ”

” –and your school books too, ” she says in a teasing tone .

“Party pooper .”


Click click click

Bleached white walls ,tilted frames ,marble tiles ,beige headboard ,navy blue sheets and sunflower curtains

A creaky fan’s torque ,
respite to my sweaty limbs.

Dslr in his large palms,
Sticky white fluid on my tiny fingers.
Aching back and bloody undies .

“Spread your legs , princess .Tilt you neck ”
as clothes scatter onto the floor ,
I fold myself into origami shapes

and he clicks clicks clicks
(pic- drawn by me)